Broadneck Baloney Advertising Manager Has His Golden Achievement Award Bronzed


Special from the NY Times


By Garçon Mala


    Geneva, Switzerland. An international body of distinguished diplomats, scientists, and religious leaders today announced their selection of Bob Johnson, Advertising Director for the Broadneck Baloney, as Man of the Year. This is the fourth year in a row that the esteemed committee has decided to so honor Mr. Johnson.

       In its bountiful praise for Mr. Johnson, the Committee referred specifically to his advertising work. In that difficult field, they said he has been able to bring about “a remarkable fusion of the highest standards of ethics with true art. Within the pages he designs, we find the maximum of attainable and communicable truth. His work has the loveliness of a tall white lily cut in Periklean marble, splendid and strong.

  But the committee, known for its thoroughness in assessing candidates for this honor of honors, as in past years, saved its highest acclaim for Mr. Johnson’s character: “Within and around this man of great merit and integrity, we find no sentimental twaddle, no shabby imitations, no shallow sophistry, no shuddering reluctance, no shuffling obeisance, no smirking sauciness, zero soporific emanations (none whatsoever), no specious artifices, no squeamish tastes, no stinted endowments, no strained interpretations, no superficial

BOB JOHNSON CHOSEN

AS MAN OF THE YEAR

surliness, no superfluous precautions, and no threadbare sentiments.”

   Mr. Johnson reacted stoically to the announcement. Comparing the work he has chosen to cooking a steak, he opined, “Advertising is a difficult medium because anything well-done is rare.”

    When asked to what or to whom he attributed his success, Mr. Johnson reacted with characteristic aplomb, “It’s been the hundreds, even the thousands of little people out there, the obscure multitude, the masses of underlings, the unsung rank and file, the common folk, the mere peons, the steadfast rabble, the everyday bumpkins, the insignificant yokels, the average hayseeds, the unknown cider squeezers, the hewers of wood and drawers of water, the run-of-the-mill clodhoppers, the nominal ne’er do wells, the uncertain people of naught, and the countless unassuming nobodies whom I wish to thank for their support over the years and along the way. This coveted award, in truth, belongs to them.”

















Committee Chair Announces Johnson as Winner

“No Shuffling Obeisance”

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